


Saviours

by ClaudiaRose



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Ben is also a sad bean, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Post TLJ, Post The Last Jedi, Rey - Freeform, Rey is a sad bean, Rey/Kylo Ren - Freeform, Reylo - Freeform, Self-Exile, Slow Burn, Smut, They will be less sad together, rey and ben
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-03-20 05:43:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 9,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18986440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaudiaRose/pseuds/ClaudiaRose
Summary: This story follows the aftermath of the death of Supreme Leader Snoke, and the near annihilation of the Resistance forces.Rey is plagued by nightmares after her unpleasant encounter with Snoke. And those nightmares made her dangerous to be around. There was only one person who could help her stop them; Ben Solo.Can Rey learn to trust him before the nightmares become dangerous to more than just herself, but the galaxy?(Hit me up on Tumblr https://www.tumblr.com/blog/r3y-fr0m-n0wh3r3)





	1. A Familiar Feeling

-Rey-

There was nothing to look at in there. The walls were blank, the floor was bare except for a small pile of blankets which Rey had flung off in her sleep. The only thing of interest was the wall of glass which gave her a view of guards and prisoners walking past every so often.

She would often try to see into their minds, try to figure out what they were in for, or even their names. But the anti-force barrier around the cell was strong enough to block out and telepathic abilities. Instead, she made up stories for herself. A few days previous a Twi’lek man with green skin had been escorted through the hall. As he walked past Rey, she noticed the faintest hint of a smirk across his mouth. But it wasn’t a friendly smirk. It was the kind of smirk you would give a lovely piece of cake before you devoured it whole. That man, she decided, had to have been brought in for something devious, something cruel. Or at least that’s the story she made up for her own amusement. 

Passing the time was hard. Sometimes it was as though the days dragged on forever until she was reminded of the time by the next meal drop off. The prisoner rations were nothing to be excited about. However, they were increasingly more exciting than anything she had eaten in her childhood. If she was lucky, she would sometimes be sent food from the regular kitchen, the food everyone else ate. Those were good days, even if she was lonely. She was used to the loneliness, though. Jakku was good practice for being on her own. 

The floor was not the best place to sleep, but it was a right side more comfortable than the bed she had been given. At least if she was on the floor, she wouldn’t roll off the bed in her sleep. As she pulled her blankets up around herself, her body curled into a tight ball to keep herself warm, her thoughts drifted to her old home. As much as she knew Jakku was an undesirable planet, filled with the worst kind of lifeforms, it reminded her of a simpler time. She let thoughts of home fill her mind as she drifted closer to sleep.

Her peace was interrupted, however, by a low rumbling, familiar voice.

"It's been a while..."


	2. Once More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Switching over to Ben's P.O.V for this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to start this off by exploring the scenarios from both perspectives until Rey and Ben are reunited which is bound to be dramatic.

-Ben-

He was always so angry. Some days if someone looked at him even slightly wrong, he could just about tear them to shreds. But as the new Supreme Leader he knew his followers had to feel somewhat safe in his company. So he took his anger out on his training, which took up more than half of his schedule. He trained more than he slept, not that he could sleep. He just lay on his bed which was too soft with his blankets thrown across the room because it was too hot, with his mind filled with too many thoughts. Sometimes he would get a couple of hours of sleep. But mostly he covered the bags under his eyes with his refurbished helmet. 

Since ‘ascending’ to the throne, Kylo Ren had quickly become the most feared man in the galaxy, and under his rule the First Order had tightened its reigns on every planet in it’s grasp. But no matter what he did, his rage never depleted. He had come to the conclusion that he would always be this way and no amount of power would change that.

He didn’t speak much. He had no companions with which to share his time and he didn’t like any of his underlings enough to pursue actual friendship. Sometimes he shared conversations with himself to fill the deathly quiet. But that tended to make him feel even more alone. 

That particular night had not been unlike the others. He lay in is bed, a sheet twisted around his legs from his restless tossing and turning, in silence. After a couple of hours of attempted rest, he finally sat up, deciding that if he wasn’t going to get any sleep, he could at least be productive. He dropped his head into his hands and rubbed his eyes, trying to shake off the tiredness when an old but familiar dullness fell around him. 

He spread his fingers slightly to peer through them he saw a figure wrapped in blankets at his feet. It’s presence was familiar and he knew instantly what was happening. Why it had started again, however, that was another question.

“It’s been a while…” he mumbled quietly, not wanting to wake her if she had been sleeping. She didn’t respond, so he continued thinking aloud as he often did.

“Why are we being connected once again? I don’t understand. I have nothing left to say to you, nothing left to feel for you. So why do I think of you so often?” He dropped his head back into his hands and took a few deep breaths, trying to figure out what was happening for himself. 

When he looked up again, the figure was sitting cross legged facing him.


	3. Despicable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben hash out their problems.

“You tried to kill me. Again.” Rey spoke in a blunt tone.

“I know but- “

“And my friends.”

“I’m sorry, I- “

“No, you don’t get to speak!” She said, louder this time. Her hands were gripping the blanket - which was now around her shoulders – so tightly her knuckles were going white. Ben dragged his gaze to meet hers and saw her eyes glistening with tears. 

“You betrayed my trust. You sent giant robot monsters to blow up everyone I know. You’ve pinned the blame for the murder of the Supreme Leader of the First Order on me, which, by the way, has been extremely unhelpful in my quest to stay alive. 3 different First Order sympathiser groups have already tried to kill me!” Rey had risen up on to her knees, a poor attempt to bring herself up to his eye level. She made no attempt to hold back her tears, nor did she stop herself from shoving her hands in his face as she spoke. Meanwhile, Ben stayed silent and allowed her to get everything off her chest.

After a moment of silence, after Rey had managed to compose herself, she lowered her voice.  
“I don’t want to see you ever again, Kylo Ren. You are despicable, you are disgusting, and no I have nothing left to say to you.”

Rey held his stare for a long time. Even though they both knew they had no force capabilities against each other through their connection, Rey even less so in her cell, they couldn’t help but try to wriggle into each other’s minds. It frustrated Ben that he couldn’t hear what she was thinking. He didn’t know what to say to her, or even if he should say anything. But the silence was deafening, and he knew if he didn’t say anything he would scream.

“Where are you?” He was genuinely curious. Her clothes were different, a plain white tunic and matching pants. Her hair was a mess. And she was sleeping on the floor, however that wasn’t completely unlike her. 

Rey was dumbfounded by his question. After everything she had yelled at him, that is what he had to say to her. Although in fairness, she had known him to become uncomfortable when she was silent. She knew he found it unbelievably infuriating when he couldn’t see into someone’s mind, the same as she.

“What does it matter?” She asked him, sitting back on her heels to create some distance between them.

“Your clothes are different.”

“So, what, I’m not allowed to change clothes without your permission?” 

“That’s not what I meant.” 

They sat in silence for another moment. Rey was somewhat aware of a guard pounding on the glass of her cell. But the connection dulled her surroundings and she couldn’t bring herself to care. Anyway, the guards already thought she was at least a little bit crazy.

“I’m in the detention block.” She finally replied quietly, pulling the blanket around herself again.

“De-detention block? Why? What happened?” Ben sat up a little straighter, feeling suddenly protective.

“It’s for my own good. I was…” She hadn’t talked about what had been happening to her with anyone besides her close friends. No one would understand.

But he would…

“I’ve been having nightmares. And they get a little- a little violent. They didn’t start out that bad. But then all my furniture ended up across the room. So, I started out just sleeping in the cell. S-so I wouldn’t hurt myself. But then it got worse. If I got even a little bit frustrated everything would start to shake and when I got really mad stuff would fly across the room.”

Ben wasn’t sure how to respond. He’d experienced the same things but from a much younger age. He’d learned to control it over time in his isolated childhood. But she was going through it surrounded by people she loved who couldn’t help her no matter how much he was sure they wanted too. 

He also knew what was causing it. It was the dark side creeping its way inside. And their connection probably wasn’t helping.

“I’m sorry that this is happening to you.” He finally replied quietly. “You must be really lonely, and confused, and scared. But it’s not going to last forever.”

Rey looked up at him and gave a small, unsure smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the idea of Rey getting mad at Ben and him just taking it. I feel like she's the only person he wouldn't get angry at for talking back to him.


	4. Moving Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting a little more of a peek into Rey's life.

-Rey-

It had been a few days since Ben had appeared on Rey’s bed. After her small explosion they sat in silence for a while. She was still outrageously mad at him for everything he had done to her, but she very much appreciated the company. Her days had become lonelier. Her friends used to bring her food and sit with her as she ate it. But they were getting busier with the resistance.

As she understood it, they were getting ready move planets again. A small first order re-con fleet had followed a resistance carrier back to the base. The fighters had managed to shoot out all three ships, but they were concerned about what information could have been communicated back the First Order in that time. 

Visits were infrequent. Most days she stared at the walls waiting for someone to talk to. As she grew more restless, the force barrier became less effective. They had to remove her bed because in one of her enraged fits she had somehow manage to throw it across the room and bend it in half. And so now she was left with a blanket and a small refresher in the corner.

Even though she knew she was there of her own accord, she was beginning to feel like it was where she belonged. After all, she was dangerous. She couldn’t control herself; the smallest thing could turn her into the most dangerous weapon in the base. 

 

A knock at the door woke Rey up from her nap on the floor.

“Hey peanut, I’m coming in.” Finn’s voice was muffled through the glass, but it was music to her ears. Rey smiled, still laying down, and nodded.

Finn entered the security code and the door slid open. He walked in slowly, a little cautiously. 

“How are you doing?” He sat down cross-legged by her head and took her hand gently, tracing little circles on the back of it. 

“Mhmm...” Rey mumbled, pulling herself closer to him and resting her head on his lap. She had missed human contact so much and his hands were so warm.

“C’mon, you’ve gotta get up. It’s moving day, the whole base is packed up and ready to go. They’ve got a seat for you on the carrier. Or there’s something a little more secure if you’re worried about getting out of control.” 

“I just wanna stay here a little longer…” She whispered into his pant leg. “You’re comfy.”

“I know you do, but I have to go, and you can’t stay here.” Rey groaned and sat up, rubbing her eyes with the heel of her hand.

“Did someone pack up my old room?”

“I did, don’t worry. I won’t leave anything behind. Not even you. Which is why you’re coming with me, okay?”

“Okay I’m coming, I’m coming.” She wiggled her toes for a moment to get rid of the pins and needles before standing up and wrapping the blanket around herself. Since moving into the cell full time, it was her only real belonging.

Rey followed Finn through the halls. People were rushing around everywhere, and a loud voice boomed “Carrier Four is scheduled to take off in two minutes.” over the speaker system. The base looked so different now than she was used too, with everything packed up. She stumbled through the empty halls and out of the base to the loading zone which now held the chaos which normally occupied the halls. People were running around loading carriers and getting ready for take-off. 

“There’s a seat for you on that carrier over there. Your stuff is on that one, too. There really wasn’t much of it, it’s just in a rucksack on the seat.” Finn smiled at her, placing his hands on her shoulders.  
“I have to be on a different carrier, with Poe and General Organa. I got a promotion, if you can believe it.” He chuckled and kissed her forehead.  
“But I’ll see you soon.” 

“Where are we going?” 

“A planet called Felucia. I don’t know much about it, but it’s meant to be pretty abandoned. Should be perfect.” Rey smiled and nodded.

“I’ll see you soon.” Rey gave Finn a tight hug before boarding the carrier. She found the rucksack of her things and strapped herself in to her seat, ready for the long ride ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to hear your thoughts on this so far! I'm thinking I should probably condense chapters 1 and 2 into one seeing as they're both kinds small. Let me know what you think :)


	5. Uncontrolable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is divided between his duty as Supreme Leader and the companionship he wished to share with Rey.

-Ben-

They were closing in on the Resistance. Some Resistance pilots had been careless and lead First Order troops straight to their base. As soon as the first fighter was shot down, a pilot sent through the coordinates. 

Ben was furious. He had to follow the lead. If he didn’t his followers would suspect that he was unfaithful to their cause. Some agents had presented him with where they believed the resistance had been located, not five-kilometres from the coordinates. This was only confirmation. If he didn’t command an immediate there would be questions. But he was reluctant to put Rey in danger. Again.

He had to admit; he had been mildly terrified when she yelled at him. For such a small lifeform she was incredibly intimidating. He suspected that it was because of her alarmingly difficult childhood. She had told him about some parts of it a long time ago. Before he had betrayed her trust and turned her in to the most wanted creature in the galaxy. He could still recall how her hands shook and her face went blotchy as she cried. He was certain she had just needed to tell someone about it. She had grown up having to be so protective of herself that she never learned how to let others in. He, of course, completely ruined any chance of her letting him help her in any way.

As he was standing on the bridge of the First Order’s lead ship, ordering his commanders to follow coordinates and ready weapons systems, his mind kept wandering to Rey. He was distracted. And it wouldn’t do anyone any good if he couldn’t keep his mind straight. 

As if thinking of her hadn’t been enough, the world around him suddenly dulled, the voices muffling around him. And there she was, sunlight streaming on her face, in the middle of the bridge.

He was happy to see she had been released from her cell. Even if it had been for her own good, she deserved more than to be locked away like a criminal. The smile on her face told him that she was also glad to be free. Her skin was glowing in the light, soaking up every drop of sun as though it was afraid it would never see it again.

She hadn’t seen him. Either that or she hadn’t wanted to. She strolled away from him as soon as she had appeared, a rucksack slung over her shoulder. She climbed an invisible ramp and took a seat, strapping herself in. 

He ignored her for a while, as she had apparently seen fit to do to him. Ben simply stared ahead and focused his ears on the captain whimpering information at him. He managed to make out the words “transports” and “evacuation”. He was not surprised. He had assumed Rey had been boarding a ship which would take her far away from him and the First Order. The thought made a small part of him sorrowful. He had been mildly excited at the idea of seeing her true form once again.

Ten minutes passed and the First Orders lead ship was approaching the planet which had harboured the Resistance fugitives. He could see the evacuation transports leaving the planets atmosphere. Rey was on one of those ships, he reminded himself as he was about to order fire on them. He covered up his reluctance with an order to take prisoners. They would then have to get considerably closer before trapping the transports in tractor beam to bring them into a loading bay. This would hopefully give them enough time to jump to lightspeed. Ben was not interested in prisoners. Or the resistance. He was only interested in keeping up appearances until he could figure out his next move. 

Rey’s presence had faded into the background. He was aware that she was there, but she must’ve fallen asleep. She was perched in the strangest position a few feet above a commander’s head.

Ben could not deny that she looked gracefully peaceful. Her freckles had come out in the sunshine. She was slumped slightly to the side, her arms wrapped loosely around he rucksack which was sitting in her lap. As the transport jolted slightly, a lock of her hair fell into her face and he had to fight the urge to sweep it behind her ear. He kept his gaze straight ahead still. He could not allow her to distract him. 

As he watched the transports getting closer, he noticed one of the ships move in the most unusual fashion. It jolted to the side slightly, twisted, and returned to its position. In his peripheral vision, Rey made identical movements. This time, he drew his gaze directly to her. As he looked closer, her eyebrows were knit together, an expression of fear and helplessness. Her head twitched, then her entire form shifted, invisible chair included.

“What the criff…” he heard an officer mutter, which drew his attention back to the transports. The same ship as before was now shaking uncontrollably, twisting and shuddering through space.

It did not take long to connect the abnormal movement of the ship to Rey’s lack of consciousness. He had told him of her dreams. What happened around her when she had them. And this time he feared she would make the ship she was on crash into another, killing everyone on board.

“No…” Ben turned from the helm and all but ran from the bridge, spitting commands at anyone who dared question him. He made his way to his quarters as quickly as possible, determined to do anything he could to stop Rey from harming herself.

The second the door slide shut he turned to search his room. Usually her figure followed him, determined to make itself known. The force had a way of pushing them together. Then there she was, perched on his bed and shaking all over the place. 

It took two of his long strides to make it to her. He immediately knelt before her and planted his hands on her cheeks. She instantly stopped shaking, and the connection of their skin allowed him to see her surroundings. Panicked Resistance crew were strapped into seats, leaving a wide girth around her. They seemed to be screaming, though he wasn’t paying any mind to them.

“Rey! Rey you must wake up!” He began. All he could do was try to wake her before she did any damage. He continued to shout at her, shaking her shoulders, trying anything to rouse her. He was divided on whether slapping her would be deemed wrong in this situation. While it would likely be the most effective way to wake her, he would compromise his solid moral code. However, if he didn’t and she caused damage, he was certain she would be furious he hadn’t slapped her.

He decided his moral code could screw itself.


	6. An Outcast

His hand stung after it struck her face, the slightest imprint of his hand turning red on her cheek. She blinked awake not a moment after, shocked. First by the rude and abrupt wakening, and then by the sights around her.

He hadn’t noticed his hand gripping hers until she yanked it from his grasp, his vision of the ship vanishing just as suddenly. She stood up immediately and the shaking stopped. 

Ben looked up at her face, his attention absolutely undivided, studying it. She was portraying the least convincing version of collectedness he had ever seen. Her eyes were determined as they stared back into his, her attempt at seeming in control. But she couldn’t stop her lip from quivering or her hands from shaking. She was terrified, and she knew he could tell. 

“It’s alright. You’re alright now, Rey. It’s stopped.” Ben tried his hardest to console her, even though he was sure she wouldn’t respond, or risk her accompanying passengers grow suspicious. He stood to meet her eye level and reached for her hand once again. Not only to offer her comfort, but to satisfying his own need to see what was going on beyond his own quarters. She allowed him at first, although she didn’t return the gentle squeeze he offered. Her eyes darted back and forth between his and the scene around her. Ben raised his free hand and gently touched the backs of his fingers to her chin in an effort to draw her attention back to him.

That was his most recent mistake. Her face immediately filled with fire and she tore herself away from him.

“I don’t need your help!” She screamed at him. It was just as terrifying as the last time.

“You are not my friend; you are not my mentor. You are my enemy! And I will treat you as such!” Their connection almost immediately shut off, and Ben was left with a mere imprint of her figure in his mind.

 

-Rey-

Everyone was staring at her. Their cries of fear had faded to heedful murmurs. Rey all of a sudden realised that she had spoken aloud to Ben, everyone had heard the dangerous force-user screaming into thin air after she almost crashed their transport ship. She could see that people were afraid of her. How could they not be? 

It was clear to Rey now what she had long suspected; she had to get away from the resistance. For their own good. 

“What?!” She snapped, looking in every direction and addressing all who stared at her. “What do you want?!” Rey let out an exasperate sigh and slumped back in her seat, hugging her rucksack to her chest and resting her chin on it.

The transport lurched into hyperspace, further trapping Rey in the ship. They would be in hyperspace for a short while, but Rey knew it would feel like an eternity. She could feel dozens of eyes burning into her from every direction and it made her face flush red hot. Partially from embarrassment. But also, from anger. She wanted everyone to leave her be. To forget what happened. She could feel her heart racing and her fingers twitching. Her mind became acutely aware of the broken lightsabre hidden away in her rucksack. The tiny crystal which gave it its power conducting and energy which seeped into her skin and her mind. A ringing began in her ears, as though to add to her lack of patience. She cocked her head to the side, as though attempting to rub the ringing away with her raised shoulder. It was, of course, unhelpful. Tears prickled in her eyes. She craved a peaceful night’s sleep more than anything. And her sleeplessness made her obviously irritable. 

Rey stood from her seat which was inconveniently in the middle of the ship and sought out another as far from the others as possible. As she took the empty seat at the back of the ship the people surrounding scattered. 

She knew she had to talk to Kylo. She had been too abrupt, and after he had pulled her out of her destructive sleep. She also knew that if anyone could understand what was happening to her, it was him. Once she was seated, she closed her eyes and willed their connection to open. She had only ever been able to close the bond. And usually because she was furious. She had no real idea if she could summon him before her.

It must have been a few minutes, but she had lost track of the time. She was focused on her breathing, on the force around her. Her hands were clasped and rested against her lips; some may have thought she was in prayer. She sat that way until the gentle touch of a hand on hers.

“I’m sorry I shut you out,” She began in a hushed tone, not thrilled by the idea that the other passengers may hear her talking to herself. “it was rude of me. You were only trying to help.”

“It’s alright. I don’t blame you.”

His voice was surprisingly soothing to her. Perhaps it was because she knew he could help. “I’m frightened…” She finally muttered after a few silent moments. “And I’m exhausted. I haven’t slept properly in months. Everyone here is afraid of me.” She kept talking, once again letting the words pour from her, his ears more than willing to soak them up.

“I’m sorry this is happening to you. I wish I could help.” Ben’s hands encircled hers and this time she didn’t pull them away.

She barely even noticed that what had once been the resistance ship had morphed into a bedroom. Black covered the walls. A Deep Red spread messily pulled over the bed she now realised she was sitting on. Very few personal affects could be seen besides what looked to be a calligraphy set on a desk at the far side of the room. Rey took a moment to observe her new surroundings.

“This is your bedroom?” She asked quietly. Ben nodded and made a quiet sound to confirm.

“It is. It’s not much, a place to sleep really.”

“I like it.” Rey offered a gentle smile. “I’ve never had somewhere that’s my own.” 

They both shared the silence for a while, Rey finding comfort in an understanding presence, and Ben relieved that she was not shouting at him. Ben traced circles on Rey’s hands; a comforting gesture which was so unfamiliar to them both. 

“I think I need to leave. I’ve hurt too many people already.” Rey spoke through the silence.

“I think that’s wise. I must say I’m a little bit afraid that someone may try to harm you.”

“You’re worried about me? The mighty Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, concerned for a, what was it you called me? A Desert Rat?” Rey teased, a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips.

“That’s not fair, I called you that before I knew you.” Ben retorted defensively.

“I know, I’m only teasing.” She giggled quietly. A sound that rang like music through Ben’s ears. At that moment, Rey felt herself lurch once more, informing her that they had dropped out of hyperspace.

“I’ll leave as soon as we land on world.”

“Will you tell me where you’re going? I want to help you.”

Rey hesitated a moment before shaking her head. “I don’t think I will. I need to be alone for a while, but by choice.” Ben understood her decision. She was probably unsure whether to trust him. He had, after all, blamed her for the murder of Snoke which made her a fugitive in almost all the galaxy. So, he would give her time. He would be there for her through the force whenever she needed.

And maybe one day, she would trust him


	7. On Your Own

Rey usually enjoyed journey’s on starships through the vast expanses of space. The trivial joy of watching stars whiz by never grew old. She could stare out the windows for hours and observe. As a child, she never thought she would escape the sandy prison on Jakku, let alone have the chance to visit the far reaches of the galaxy.

But for the remaining time of her journey on the transport, she did not look out the windows once. She instead sat beside her sworn enemy as he kept her from falling asleep with his stories. He claimed they were stories he had heard from the troops throughout the years. But they held the distinct branding of a Leia Organa story. Rey suspected Ben was too proud to admit that he had enjoyed his mother’s stories as a child.

Nonetheless, Rey listened to every word, her own childhood pale in the light of the adventure he spoke of. He even revealed to her that his Uncle Luke had once kissed his sister before they knew they were siblings. That fact made her giggle softly, unable to imagine the recently fallen Luke Skywalker as an impulsive young boy. 

Rey hung back after the ship landed at its destination. The others rushed past her, avoiding her gaze. She couldn’t decide whether she felt ashamed or proud that they feared her power. She was, after all, stronger than anyone in the resistance. Rey shook her head, shaking the thought from her mind. The part of her mind which was having those thoughts she knew to be dark. That part of her mind took over more and more often over the previous moon cycles, no matter how hard she fought to keep it at bay. She suspected that it was also the root of her dreams. Her nightmares.

“Are you sure you won’t tell me where you’re going?” Ben’s voice broke her out of her thoughts. She shook her head again, answering no.

“Not until I know I can trust you, I’m sorry. I don’t ever know where I’m going yet. Just away from here, from my friends.”

“But you know I can help you.”

“I know you think you can help me. But what if I’m beyond saving, Ben?” Rey looked into Ben’s eyes for the first time since they landed. “What if there’s nothing you can do? What if I’m destined to drown in this until It takes me over completely and I turn into someone… else?” Ben’s heart bled for her. He remembered a time when he felt the same. Before her allowed the darkness to take over. Back when he was just a boy with a strange voice in his head whispering all kinds of dark things to him.

Ben knew that there wasn’t much he could say to make her feel better. And Rey knew the same. Another few moments of silence passed before Rey stood from her seat.

“I have to find…” Rey shied away from using Finn’s name in front of him, “my friend. And tell him I’m leaving. You should go.” 

Ben stood. “You know how to find me. When you want to, of course.”

Rey smiled and gave a slight nod before scurrying off the ship, her rucksack slung over her shoulder. Ben watched her shrink in the distance. How odd it was to watch her from his bedroom where she seemed meters away, but still in the room with him. He chuckled for a moment before turning away.

The sounds around Rey became suddenly clear and sharp. She winced as the volume shocked her system and she had to take a second to rebalance herself. 

Rey found Finn quickly; she only needed to listen out for his voice giving instructions to what was left of the resistance. She quickly explained her concerns about everyone’s safety. He knew her dreams were getting worse, and that she was getting more dangerous. A few weeks previous he had felt the entire building shake. He had told everyone it was most likely an earthquake, but deep down he knew it was her. 

Finn was reluctant to let her go. He’d lost her so many times already. But he knew she had to be free to take care of herself. So, he let her go with one last hug and as many credits as he could spare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, please, please leave feedback! I promise this is gonna get real interesting once Ben and Rey are together :)


	8. Abandon Ship

-Ben- 

It had been 2 months since Ben had seen Rey. In any usual circumstance he wouldn’t be worried, she’d gone longer without contacting him. But in these circumstances, when he knew she was a danger to herself, he was worried. And his worry distracted him. Constantly. He often found himself sitting on that big, ugly throne, staring off into nothing as people came to him with their problems. 

He just couldn’t make himself focus on anything but her. He had even tried to make himself appear to her. But it hadn’t worked. Ben even found himself growing increasingly emotional and aggravated when he couldn’t get to her. His belongings were perpetually strewn across the floor from his almost never-ending fits of rage and helplessness. 

On the 65th day of non-communication, however, he’d had enough. He threw some things into a bag and skulked through the Star Destroyer he called home. He made his way down to the hangar bays. His personal ship would be too conspicuous, he’d have to choose something a little less obvious. The generic carriers would be ideal, but they were surrounded by troopers. It had been a long time since Ben had used his mind tricks on so many people, he feared he was out of practice. As he walked through the crowded hangar, he was relieved to find out that his skills were still up to scratch.

Ben made it to the carrier and boarded it quickly. A few suspicious troopers were taken care of with a thought and Ben slowly inched the carrier out of the hangar. He had no real idea where he was going, no coordinates, no planet, no location, just the feeling deep inside of him.

Even when Rey was far away, even when she hadn’t reached out in a while, he could always feel her. It was like a pull inside him, a higher power drawing them together even when they didn’t want to be. Now that he could identify it, he knew he’d always felt this pull. Even before he’d met her. It’s one of the reasons why he was so determined to find her the first time, and why he absolutely had to find her now. 

The carrier was set to autopilot, he would go straight until his gut told him otherwise. The quiet gave him time to think. In his hast, he hadn’t thought about what would happen to the First Order in his absence. Hux was a very ambitious man and Ben was certain he would use the opportunity to undermine him. There was already doubt spreading through the ranks. In the recent past Ben had made some decisions which were unpopular with the other officers. When he decided not to bomb the very vulnerable and in range Resistance vessels, a commander suggested that he was sympathetic to the cause and that he was a traitor to the Order. That commander didn’t continue to breathe much longer. 

Ben had always dealt with doubt in his followers with violence. They wouldn’t question him if they were afraid to be hurt. And now, with so much doubt, he found himself especially erratic and explosive. But the strange thing was, he had begun to feel guilt. When he had first joined Snoke he never felt bad for anything. People got what they deserved, and he always got what he wanted. But now, since knowing Rey, the little voice in the back of his mind would yell at him when he was aggressive. 

It was a strange feeling, accountability. Feeling like your actions have consequences. For a long time, he couldn’t figure out why he suddenly had a conscience, and then one day he figured it out. Before, he only had himself to worry about, and his bad decisions could only hurt himself. Now, he had someone to live for. Even if Rey didn’t want him around, he knew he would always protect her, fight for her.

Whilst he was realising how deep his connection was with Rey, he felt the gravity around him change. He felt his hands move to the ships controls and adjust his course. Before his mind could catch up, he was headed in a completely different direction than what he’d set out on. 

He couldn’t help but smile to himself. He was being drawn to her through the force, through something much bigger than himself. He tried once again to open up his connection with her, hoping that the sudden pull was a sign that she was thinking of him. Once again, he failed to find her in the darkness. But unlike the other times, he did not lose hope. He didn’t throw anything. He didn’t scream until his throat was dry. Because there was a reason why he was drawn to her. They were mean to find each other.


	9. Cold

-Rey-

Why did I choose Vandor? Rey asked herself. Why did I choose an Ice planet? Her entire body was shaking violently, and every muscle ached as her body tried to hold in as much body heat as possible. Even though she’d lived most of her life on a desert planet, she figured she could handle a little bit of cold. She had been devastatingly wrong. 

Her naïve and ignorant mind hadn’t prepared for the idea that an Ice planet would be this unforgiving. She also hadn’t thought to find herself extra supplies. Some more clothes, extra food, a blanket, anything! All she had was the clothes on her back and a rucksack full of old Jedi texts and a broken lightsabre.

As she sat in the hut she had rented with Finn’s money, shivering uncontrollably, she couldn’t help but think of Ben. He had been so kind to her on the day she left the resistance. In that moment, she regret her decision to keep her location from him. Even though she’d been to three different planets, she could have left him clues, notes, anything to help him find her before she froze to death. 

She had tried to contact him. Once she realised she was way over her head on this planet, she tried her hardest to open her connection with him. But she wasn’t in the most control over her ability on the best of days, and with her body so physically weak she wasn’t hopeful that she would reach him. Trying was all she had left, though. So, she tried constantly.

On a slightly positive note, she had been too cold for her dreams to cause any involuntary damage. Instead she found herself waking up with bumps and bruises where she had whacked the walls or furniture. She didn’t mind hurting herself if it meant that she couldn’t hurt anyone else. Her body ached from the cold anyways, so she could barely differentiate the pain.

It could have been hours or even days since she’d moved. Her stomach wasn’t grumbling anymore even though she hadn’t eaten in a while. Her body had stopped shaking, too. Instead she lay deathly still, her breaths short puffs of warm air creating a small fog in the freezing atmosphere.

Rey’s mind ran through a million things at once. She thought about how she had survived being abandoned by her parents, raising herself, being accidentally thrust into a war she had no business being in, the deep and unexpected connection she had developed with a man she never should have met. Thinking about how he made her feel was a comfort. She imagined how his presence would warm her chest, even when she wanted to hate him.

A warmth in her chest like she was growing at that moment. Which was odd considering the fact that she was definitely freezing to death. She chalked it up to herself losing her mind. There was no way he was coming for her. He had no idea where she was, no one did. If she died there no one would know. Not her friends or the people she cared for. Maybe they would think she’d abandoned hope that the Resistance would ever destroy the first order.

She started to cry. Or at least cry as much as her body could. Rey wasn’t scared of dying, she’d almost died enough times to be pretty accustomed to the feeling. No, she was scared about what she would be leaving behind. This galaxy in turmoil that she wouldn’t be able to help, people who needed her. 

Rey’s eyelids grew heavy, she felt like it was her time. As she gave herself over to the cold, she heard a dull ruckus somewhere outside of the hut. A ship landing and then heavy footsteps. She ignored it, she seemed to have chosen a popular place on this ice ball planet. 

The noise grew closer. Rey wished it would stop so she could sleep. She heard rustling in some of the neighbouring huts, doors being flung open, questions asked, expletives exchanged. Then the door to her hut was opened. She couldn’t see who had opened it, she was facing the wall in an attempt to find warmth. 

Before she could muster any strength to turn around, a pair of hands did it for her. She was rolled over gently, giving her a view of a silhouette surrounded by light. An angel. She smiled, feeling safe and protected. Like she could go now and find peace while her angel watched over her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying my hardest to upload once a week but if y'all want me (or less) let me know. Love you xx


	10. Hold Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Ben had found Rey. But she wasn't safe yet...

How could she be so stupid?! Her body has never experienced intense cold before! She used to a hot dessert, not a freezing one! A million thoughts rushed through Ben’s head as he carried Rey’s stiff body to his ship. He was moving so quickly he almost slipped a few times on the ice. He used the force to levitate himself ever so slightly to prevent himself from falling. 

Ben was muttering to her as he went.

“Hold on, Rey. Hold on, I’ll get you warm. Just don’t let go.” He spoke quietly, trying not to draw any more attention to them than necessary. She was growing paler by the second and he could feel their connection weakening, even though they were right next to each other. Her clothes were soaking wet from the ice and snow. The wetness was even seeping through his many layers and making him shiver.

He made it to his ship somewhat inconspicuously and rushed inside, setting Rey down on the floor. He knew the first step was going to have to be taking off all of her wet clothes. She could slap him for it later. But it had to be done. Ben sat on the floor next to her and began the process of peeling off the layers. He tried his best to save the clothes, he was sure she wouldn’t appreciate him ruining some of her few possessions (that thought also reminded him that she was likely to have a bag. He would go back for it once she was safe). 

Unfortunately, her last layer of clothing was closed with a complex knot that she, no doubt, learnt in her difficult childhood. He tried his hardest to untie it, but after a minute of attempting with no success, he tore it apart. Ben was going to save her life even if she hated him.

Once her clothes were off, he wrapped his large cloak around her and lay her back down, quickly stripped off his own top layer of clothes which were wet before wrapping his whole body around her. Ben cradled Rey’s head against his chest gently, his other hand rubbing her back to create friction. Her pulse beat slowly under his fingers and he feared the worst. But he was determined not to lose her. 

Ben sat holding her for what seemed to be forever. He could feel her skin starting to warm under his fingers and her heartbeat steadily quickened. As Ben sat on the metal floor, cradling Rey’s weak form, he let his consciousness search through the force. He was seeking out her signature, the part of the force that read so distinctively as ‘Rey’. It took some digging; she was so so weak. But he finally found her. She used to be a beacon of bright white light, shining on him from all sides, showing him the way. But now she was a dull glow. And she was flickering. 

It felt like a lifetime had passed when she finally started to stir. A little moan escaped her lips and he immediately sprung to action. He propped her body against his knee, one arm wrapped around her and the other carefully stroking her cheek. 

“Sweetheart, can you hear me?” He spoke quietly. Her head nuzzled into his chest and he smiled down at her. 

“That’s right. Open your eyes. Please open your eyes.” She grumbled for a second more before one eye cracked open. She frowned, the light streaming in uncomfortably brightly, and turned her face into his chest to block it out. Ben sighed with relief and pressed his lips to the top of her head which was still damp. He continued to mutter into her hair, and she responded with quite moans which told him that she was still awake.

Once her body temperature had reached a safe level, Ben sat Rey in a seat, covered her with his cloak and buckled her in. It was dangerous for them to remain on the ice planet. First Order transports were not very subtle, and they would have already drawn too much attention. He got the ship into uncharted space quickly. He had no idea where they could go. If they went to a First Order controlled planet she would be killed. If they went anywhere with allegiance to the Resistance, he would be imprisoned. And anywhere else they were just beginning to be kidnapped and traded to either side for power. 

For now, they would just float through space, until he could think of a better plan.


	11. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gets a little feisty about her situation.

Her head hurt so much. It felt like she had been punched in the eye. Twice. Hard. And her limbs felt so heavy she could barely lift them. Upon her first brief glance, she was in a seat. She was pretty sure she was on a transport, the seatbelt and persistent jolting contributed to that idea. There was also something covering her. A blanket or something of the likes. A small smile tugged at her mouth at the sentiment of someone covering her with a blanket. She grabbed the top of it and pulled it up under her chin.

That’s when she realised that was it. That blanket was the only thing covering her body. She was almost naked except for her underwear. Which begged the question, where was she? She could see the back of a head sitting in a pilot seat. But her vision was blurry, and she couldn’t make it out properly. Her fingers fumbled with the latch of the belt until it opened with a soft click. He looked over to the person in the seat, hoping they didn’t hear it. This person could be dangerous, she had to be ready for anything. She stood up but her head started to spin. Her hand reached out for the wall to steady herself for a moment. Once she felt stable, she crept slowly towards the chair. She didn’t have a plan exactly. She figured if they were hostile, she would try her best to subdue them with the force. If that failed, she always had her weak fists attached to stone arms. As she grew closer, she felt her heart begin to race, she was subconsciously preparing for a fight. 

She was two steps away when the chair turned.

“Ben?!” Rey stepped back and almost screamed. How was he there? Why was he there? What had he done to her clothes? Was she wrapped in his cloak? Why was he wearing nothing but pants and a shirt?

“Rey? You’re awake.” Ben stood up and attempted to close the space between them. As much as he remembered the genuine moment they had shared when she had woken up in his arms. She definitely did not. He reminded himself that she had fallen asleep in an ice hut and woken up practically naked on a First Order transport ship. Of course she was confused.

“Sit down and let me explain, please.” Ben said calmly, reaching a hand towards her.

“Where are my clothes?” Her voice with cold, any sense of comfort gone as she stepped back from his advance. Ben pointed to the pile of damp clothes on the floor.

“They were soaking wet. And you were freezing.”

“So, you stripped me naked?!” 

“Please, calm down. We can talk about this; you don’t need to shout.”

“You kidnapped me, took my clothes and now you want me to calm down?! Are you insane?!” 

“Rey you should sit down, you’re still very weak.”

“Don’t tell me what to do!” As she shouted as him, her knee buckled, and she crumpled to the floor. Ben was by her side in a heartbeat, making sure she wasn’t hurt. She tried to swat him away, but she was quickly realising that he was right about being weak. She let him help her sit up.

“What happened to me?” She asked, a little calmer now. Ben adjusted the cloak around her as he explained.

“I found you on Vandor. You were in a hut and freezing. I- I thought you were dead. So, I brought you back here and warmed you up. I was… worried.” Ben was usually a very literate man. He could string sentences together that would impress anyone. But thinking about a near dead Rey in his arms, he could barely keep his mind focused. Rey let her eyes float up to his to see them shining with what she swore were tears.

“Well, I feel fine now. A little heavy, I guess. But I’m not dying. So, you don’t have to- you don’t have to cry about it.” Her thumb brushed under his eye gently to catch a tear just as it fell. Ben nodded and rubbed his face with the heel of his hand. He was still determined to keep his feelings hidden from everyone, especially her.

“How did you know where I was?”

“I’m not sure. I just felt a tug in my chest, jumped in a ship and let the force show me the way.” Rey chuckled to herself quietly.

“Just can’t stay away, can you?” A tiny smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

“You need to rest. I’m looking for somewhere safe to get some supplies and food. I brought some spare clothes. They’ll be a little big but at least you’ll be warm. In that bag.” Ben stood up and pointed to a bag, holding out a hand for Rey. She took his hand and pulled herself up before an alarmed look swept over her face.

“My bag? Where’s my bag? Did you get it?”

“Yes, yes I went back for it. Don’t worry.”

“Good. Good, it’s got the je- something important in it.” She chose her words carefully. She had taken the Jedi Texts from the temple without Luke knowing. And then she took them from their hiding place on the Millennium Falcon again, in secret. For all the galaxy knew, they were lost. Destroyed. 

She was determined to keep it that way.

Rey gathered some dry clothes from the bag and covered herself in as many layers as possible until she resembled a chubby Ewok. Her body temperature began to resemble normal and she snuggled up in the co-pilot seat, taking a nap to gather her strength.


	12. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben are faced with time alone together and it goes about as well as expected.

They had been travelling for two days, the food rations were almost gone, and they had run out of clean water to drink. Ben had been heading towards a planet where he hoped they could lay low and gather some supplies. He knew it would have to be in the outer rim, Rey was a First Order Fugitive and he didn’t want her to be recognised. He had heard of a moon in the outer rim which was overcrowded and covered entirely in one huge city. Overcrowded sounded safe to him. So that’s where he headed.

Although Rey had intended on sleeping, she was too afraid of her dreams to really let herself drift off. Instead, she sat in a huddle and listened to Ben’s breathing and muttering. He talked to himself when he thought he was alone. She liked listening to him, even though she didn’t understand much of what he said. He mostly muttered about what he thought his red-headed general was doing with his Empire. She found it quite amusing, actually. Apparently the ‘Pasty Weasel’ had been vying for control over the Empire for a while now. Ben was concerned that Hux would try to turn people against him, make him sound like a Resistance sympathiser (she wasn’t entirely sure that this was untrue. After all, why else would he have saved her life?). 

Even so, she felt bad for him; the more he muttered about his own life, the more she realised that he was just as isolated as she was. Even embedded so deeply into their own sides of the war, neither of them seemed to fit. 

Rey grew bored of pretending to sleep. She twisted carefully in her seat and opened her eyes as though she had woken up.

“Hello.” Ben mumbled quietly, his eyes flicking over to her for a brief moment before focusing on the space before him.

“Hi.” Rey grumbled back. She sat up to be more comfortable, pushing off the blanket which had been tucked around her. “Where are we?”

“Nowhere yet.”

“Well, where are we going.”

“Somewhere safe.”

“That’s not an answer.” 

“A moon in the Outer Rim.” 

“A moon?”

“Yes, a moon.”

“What’s it called?”

“Why do you ask so many questions?” Ben asked, turning his chair to face Rey. She looked down timidly.

“Because you don’t answer any of them.” They maintained eye contact for a moment, as though searching through each other to find their own answers. Rey was too weak to find anything in Ben, as she tried to sneak into his mind, she saw nothingness. Ben, however, was wary of looking into Rey’s. Partially because he was being polite, partially because he was afraid of what he would find. 

Ben turned away from her, facing forward again. But he continued to mull over Rey’s state. He had suspected something sinister behind her dreams since he found out about them. She believes that it is her fault, that she is to blame. But he has seen into her mind before and has never seen this kind of evil. It seemed to him that something, someone, had messed with her mind, her aura. But the reason he wouldn’t look inside to see was that he was afraid it was him. What if this connection they shared was pushing her into darkness? He didn’t want to be responsible for destroying the beautiful light inside of her. 

“Why did you save me?” Her voice was quiet, just above a whisper. As though she was afraid to ask. “You’re the Supreme Leader now, and I’m the Resistance’s apparent saving grace. So why did you risk coming to find me?” 

Ben couldn’t find a good answer. Not one that would satisfy her, at least. In truth, he wasn’t sure what drew him to her. And he couldn’t explain the physical pull he felt towards her.

“I don’t know.”

“That’s not an answer, either.” Her expression grew stern. She was sick of him dodging her questions.

“I don’t, I can’t explain it.” He snapped suddenly, refusing to meet her gaze. “It was like every fibre of my being was pulling me away. Even though my head told me it was foolish.” 

“I don’t believe you.”

“What do you mean you don’t believe me?” Ben turned to her once again, only to see Rey get out of her seat and step towards him.

“I don’t believe that you left your precious First Order because you had a gut instinct! There’s no way in the Galaxy that you up and left without a good reason!” Rey was panting gently from yelling and she took a moment to gather her thoughts. “Did you come her to save me, or destroy me?”

“I came to help you.”

“Why?”

“Because whatever this is between us, it’s strong. I can’t ignore it, and I can’t stop it. So, I decided to embrace it.”

“I won’t follow you. I won’t turn to the darkness. I know it’s what you want.”

“You know, do you?” Ben’s asked, slightly amused by her attitude.

“Yes. Why else would you be so interested in what’s happening?”

“Curiosity.” He answered plainly for the first time.

“Curiosity?” Rey shook her head slightly, confused. 

“Is that the answer you were looking for?” Rey took a while before she answered him. 

“I’ve seen inside of you. I’ve seen what’s going on in there, and it’s not darkness. I don’t think you followed me because you were curious. I think you followed me because you know what the right thing to do is. And it’s not leading the First Order.” Rey took another step towards him, now close enough to hear him breathing. She lowered her voice to a hushed whisper. “I think you’ve embedded yourself into the wrong of the war, and you know it. And now you’re too deep into it to change your mind. So, you put of your mask and your boots and you stomp all over the little guy because that’s what people expect of you. But you want to change. I can see it in your eyes, Ben. And I can help you, if you let me.” 

Ben was suddenly confronted by everything he had been afraid to admit to himself. She had, indeed seen into his mind, probably more clearly than he ever had. 

“You may think you have all the answers, Rey. But you don’t.” Ben spat back at her, pulling up all of his defences. Rey hadn’t expected him to react that way. She gasped quietly and took a step back, falling back into her chair. She thought she was breaking down his walls, but he pulled them up whenever she got close. She turned away from him, aggravated by his response. She turned to face away from him.

“You may think you have the galaxy fooled, Kylo Ren, but you cannot fool me.” 

They spent the rest of the flight in silence.


End file.
